'In Lieu of Flowers' Wording: Donation Examples

On this page

• Simple “in lieu of flowers” wording
• Warmer wording, if “in lieu” feels stiff
• Wording that gives people a choice
• How to choose the charity, and collect the donations
• What to write when you give the donation
• A note on tone
• Remembering them beyond the gift

“In lieu of flowers” is the gentle phrase families use to ask that, instead of sending flowers, people give to a cause the person cared about. If you have been asked to write this line for a death notice or order of service, or you are deciding what to put for your own loved one, here are warm, ready to use examples and a little guidance on getting the tone right.

The phrase itself is a touch old fashioned, and some families now prefer softer wording. Either way, the meaning is the same: turn an act of sympathy into something that keeps doing good in the person’s name.

Simple “in lieu of flowers” wording

Any of these can be dropped straight into a death notice or order of service:

• “In lieu of flowers, donations in memory of [name] may be made to [charity].”
• “The family kindly requests donations to [charity] in place of flowers.”
• “Rather than flowers, please consider a donation to [charity], a cause close to [name]’s heart.”
• “[Name] would have loved to know that flowers were given as a gift to [charity] instead.”

Warmer wording, if “in lieu” feels stiff

Some families find “in lieu of flowers” a little formal. These versions say the same thing more gently:

• “Flowers are welcome, and so are donations to [charity] for anyone who would prefer.”
• “If you would like to honour [name], a donation to [charity] would mean a great deal to us.”
• “In memory of [name], the family invites donations to [charity], which cared for him so kindly.”

Notice the move from what you do not want (flowers) to what you do want (a gift that helps). That small shift makes the request feel like an invitation rather than an instruction.

Wording that gives people a choice

Not everyone is comfortable being told not to send flowers, and that is fine. You can leave the door open:

• “Family flowers only, with donations to [charity] warmly welcomed from others.”
• “Flowers or donations to [charity], whichever feels right to you.”
• “The family will gratefully receive either flowers or a donation to [charity] in [name]’s memory.”

How to choose the charity, and collect the donations

If the person did not name a cause themselves, think about what they cared for: a hospice that looked after them, a hospital ward, an animal shelter, a local club, a research charity. A cause with a real connection to their life feels far more meaningful than a general one.

For collecting the gifts, a few common options:

Option	How it works	Good when
Funeral director collection	A box or envelope at the service; they forward the total	You want it handled for you
Online memorial fund	An online page collects donations directly for the charity	Family and friends are spread out
Direct to the charity	Donors give straight to the charity, noting the person’s name	You prefer the charity to manage it

If you set up an online page, you can share the link in the death notice and on the person’s online memorial, so anyone who visits to leave a tribute can give in the same place.

What to write when you give the donation

When you are the one donating, a short note to the charity or family is a lovely touch, though never required. Keep it simple:

• “In loving memory of [name].”
• “A gift in memory of [name], with sympathy to all the family.”
• “For [name], who thought the world of this cause.”

A note on tone

Keep it brief, and keep it warm. You are not obliged to explain the choice, though a single line about why the cause mattered (“the hospice nurses gave us such comfort”) often moves people to give. Avoid anything that sounds like a demand; “would welcome”, “kindly requests” and “invites” all strike the right note.

Remembering them beyond the gift

A donation is a beautiful way to mark a life, and there are gentle ways to keep that spirit going. Some families share, on the person’s online memorial, how much was raised and what it went towards, so everyone who gave can see the good their kindness did. If you would like more help with the words, our guide to what to write in a sympathy card and our meaningful ways to remember a loved one are both gentle places to begin.

However you word it, the heart of the request is love: a wish that something good grows in your person’s name.

Last updated 6 Jul 2026

Frequently asked questions

What does 'in lieu of flowers' mean?

It’s a request that, instead of sending flowers, people give to a chosen charity in the person’s memory. The idea is to turn an act of sympathy into a lasting gift to a cause that mattered to them.

How do you word 'in lieu of flowers'?

A simple version reads: ‘In lieu of flowers, the family would welcome donations to [charity] in memory of [name].’ Add a website or collection point if there is one. ‘Kindly requests’ or ‘invites’ keeps the tone warm.

What do you write when donating instead of flowers?

A short note is lovely but not required. ‘In loving memory of [name]’ or ‘A gift in memory of [name], with sympathy to the family’ is perfect. Keep it brief and heartfelt.

Is it rude to ask for donations instead of flowers?

Not at all. It’s a common and gracious choice. Offering people the option of flowers or a donation keeps it gentle, so no one feels they must do one or the other.

Share a thought (0)

No account needed. Your words may bring comfort to someone else reading this.

1. Be the first to share a thought or memory.

Website

Your name (optional)

Your comment

Post comment